Bringing a child into the world is an immense responsibility. How do you decide that you are capable of providing what the child needs? How do you decide that you are what a child needs? How do you decide that you are ready for the responsibility, and capable of fulfilling the divine duties of a parent?
You don't.
There is no test to being a parent. You don't sit for an exam to determine whether or not you are qualified to be a parent. There is not any number of books you can read to prepare you for what parenthood requires.
It is not the brand of diapers that you would choose.
It is not the formulae you can afford to buy.
It is not how many university degrees you have obtained.
It matters not if you are the top of your class.
It is not the types of cuisines you can prepare from scratch.
It is not how tidy you keep your household.
There is no test because no test can gauge whether or not a person is worthy of a child. There are people who could ace all the exams in the world yet as a parent they still fail.
Not because they didn't buy diapers.
Not because they forgot to feed the baby.
Not because they didn't do well in school.
Not because they didn't cook good enough meals.
Not because their house was always in a mess.
No, you don't fail as a parent if you fail to provide all that is technically the best to your child. You fail if you do not recognize what your child needs and provide for him blindly. According to what is "correct", or according to what society dictates should be given to a child. If you base your parenting skills merely on the technical aspects of life, than bravo. You have done well. Oh wait, you already know that. You always do well. Whenever you err it is merely because you are human. Humans make mistakes. That is, unless anyone else makes any mistakes. Then it is utterly unforgivably despicably unacceptable. You wouldn't have made such a mistake.
A child needs a family. Not two perfect parents. Not two people who have overcome all their flaws and have come together to make magic happen and create a miracle. No. A child needs not only food in his mouth and clothes on his back. Believe it or not, these are the easier things to fulfill.
A child needs a home. Where he belongs. Where he feels safe. Where he looks forward to returning. Where he is accepted even when the world has turned on him.
Acceptance is easier said than understood. You don't tell your child you want them in your life. You make them feel it. And they can't feel what does not exist. Saying "I love you" matters not if the next second you are pointing out yet another one of his mistakes.
Being a parent means letting go of a huge part of yourself. Your life is no longer solely about you. No longer about fulfilling your happiness and dreams. It is now about nurturing your children so they can fulfill theirs. Their dreams. Not continue your unfulfilled destinies. If you cannot let go, if you cannot learn to have a different type of joy, and grace your life with the happiness of the child you bear, then sooner or later you become bitter. You resent that you let go of your dreams for a child that didn't live up to your expectations. You resent the little pit patter of feet that live under your roof yet cannot even get that A+ you always managed to get. You resent that the child laughs while playing games while you slave away at the office working extra hours to make ends meet.
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