Ukraine!

I wish I was brave enough to venture there... perhaps, someday. But until then, Hello =)

Let's see what happens.

Three days, or three weeks,...I guess once you've boiled yourself down that much, you can't lessen it out much more.





Life is catching up to me again... that "being and adult" part, that is. Does that mean that hopes and dreams are the gifts of children and children alone?





I long for you badly. I remember him saying that after a year he couldn't take it...I think it will be the same for me.

To a whole new book.

It's not like the first, where I laboriously spent hours on it. But this one will be good too, I can feel it.

The definite impossible journey is the one you never begin.

I want to be able to speak French fluently.

And Spanish.

Maybe someday, German.





But now I must struggle with the English language.

A good one.

Money = happiness



Today, a friend asked if I was going to take the next step anytime soon. I said "Not that I know of"; and to that she replied: "Money is more satisfying, huh?"


That struck me.


True: the lifestyle I live grants me the opportunity to have plenty luxuries. To dine at nice restaurants, wear the designer clothes, perhaps even join a club, drive a fancy car,..


But what struck me was one word - opportunity.


Happiness is subjective. It is a feeling that, granted the same situations, may or may not be produced. It is intangible.
Opportunity, however, is tangible.
I can tell you that I chose to eat at this café rather than the other. I chose to spend my holiday here instead of there.

Choices. Not everyone has them. I have plenty of that. Whether I sleep in or go out, that is entirely up to me. Whether I go off on random adventures, or go café hopping, I determine that. Whether I go up to someone and start a conversation with them, no one can or will tell me otherwise.

Money just means that I have more choices. But it also comes from other factors. Do I have the time to do those things that I choose to do? Or is my life consumed by pre-determined factors that are beyond my consideration?




No, money is not satisfying. Experience is. Money just enables me to choose what experiences I have. Where I spend my time, and whether or not time is a luxury of mine.

Indeed, my life is for me to determine. There are portions of it that have been written on my behalf; but I determine how I walk those paths.

You've got attitude.

There's a table: finished, varnished, polished, waxed. Gleaming.

She takes a nail, and drives it in. Pounds it. The hammer goes up and down, each knock uneven in strength. The nail is stuck fast. Not enough. She wants the whole nail in. She keeps pounding. The nail eventually is fully through the table top. Not enough. She keeps pounding away until she is done hammering.


What she wants is not to see the nail go into the table; but rather the table to be cracked and broken. Until she sees that, she keeps pounding.















No, it's not that I disfavour you. I just find your actions unjustifiable for your position, and by effect cannot find it in me to respect you for it.

Symptoms of demotivation.

Please, no one ask me why am I doing all of this. What I need, is a warm reminder that I am capable.

I should be relieved...shouldn't I?

Last one of the year. Next year, a new start, new eager faces and personalities. I wonder what I will be doing this time next week.

Oh, there's groceries that need shopping for.
The car should be serviced.
I wanted that notebook, didn't I?
Will I get up for my early morning coffee?
Laundry will have to be done.



The week after? Ok, that's safely mapped out.



Then it's December.



There will probably be reading I'll need to catch up on.



Where will my next adventure take me?




It'll be Christmas soon. Already some shops have Christmas décor up.












Oh, blessed is the life of me.

A little change

 

Coffee seems promising.

 

There are strrop waffles!! Those are absolutely heavenly. I wonder if it’s imported or homemade?

 

Perhaps if there’s space, I can have one later.

 

I miss them.

 

Would I be able to regain my former glory if I returned? No, I am a different person now. I am capable f different things. It would be unfair to assume that I would remain unchanged.

 

What did they drizzle over the tomatoes? This tastes awesome!!

 

Coffee’s a bit burnt..or is that the way it’s meant to taste? I guess you can’t compare it to Starbucks. That’s loaded with super-sugars. This is like a weaker version.

 

I have like, zero cutlery skills.

 

Was that thunder? No, some a**hole’s exhaust…

(Did I just curse?)

 

Seriously, how barbaric am I? Why can’t I figure out how to use cutlery without looking like an ape-woman trying to ignite fire using a dead bird and twigs?

 

 

 

I was sure I had work I needed to do…..what was it again?

 

I don't need to wait until the new year

I have made resolutions, and I will stick to them.

I can make my dreams come true. Patience, perseverance, and blessings from up Above.

If my intentions are good, and I follow them through one action at a time, someday I shall reap my rewards. Perhaps it may not be in the exact shape and from of what I had intended, but there will be rewards awaiting.

For now, let me endure my aching muscles, cry my way out of bed, try to close down my wounds,..





I will get there.

Comment ca va?

France!!!

By the Beard of Odin

I need to set myself deadlines. There is plenty to accomplish. I have set my goals, but there are the little steps along the way that I need to complete.

 

Why does the fatigue come at this time? Am I so tired because of the various thoughts in my head? Wow, I guess a dormant mind really does energize a body.

 

Breathe.

 

Eat.

 

 

Sleep.

 

 

Plan.

 

Do.

 

 

So much has changed, and it all began with a small adjustment: that belief that I can. I no longer sit in envy of others, or pride over myself, for I am pre-occupied with the various “I want” “I can” and “I will”s that I have.

A sense of purpose, a sense of duty, responsibility and that belief that I can actually make it all happen. I just need to push myself to do so.

I admit, there are days when I really, really need those words of encouragement. Today was one of those days. Instead, I decided to tuck myself away and slink to my corner.

 

 

 

The Return of A.

 

 

I feel her presence; lurking in the corner. I knew she was gone, but it had to be her. I know her scent; her stench. It fills a room no matter how large, in just a few seconds. And it stays, lingering, for long after she was supposed to have left.

I knew she was gone.

I never wanted her back. I missed her; meaning that I felt that her presence wasn’t there. We were childhood “buddies” if one could call such a thing a “buddy”. We grew up together. I never knew a time without her.

Then she was gone.

It took a while for me to realize it, or rather, to feel her being “gone”. I worried, I feared, I wondered: what happened to her? What really happened? How could she just be “gone”?

 

 

 

 

Until she returned.

 

At first it was just glimpses at the corner of my eye. Then more and more evidence popped up here and there. Today I saw her. Felt her. She has returned.

 

 

 

And now, I wish she were gone again. But it won’t be as easy this time, will it?

Shed some light.

"I don't have a life"


Blame it on our job: how much it pays you, the hours that you work, the duration of your work, the nature of your field,....

Blame it on where you are: The shops close too early, the pubs stink, the clubs are full of ugly people, there is nowhere to go, the traffic makes it impossible to reach at a reasonable time, parking,....

Blame it on your family: They always want me with them, I am not allowed out, I have to care for my siblings/ ailing parent,.....


And the list goes on....





And on.....




And on....







Before you make a quick judgement, whether onto yourself or onto others of whether who has "a life" and who doesn't, have you considered what it is to "have a life"?




Is it hanging out with friends, laughing and drinking to the early hours of dawn? Every day?

Is it being able to spend time with your mum and dad, play with your siblings, and eventually be the mum/dad and play with your children?

Is it having the coolest game console and making sweet sweet scores every night?

Is it bringing a new girl home every night?

Is it having the same girl to come home to, every night?

Being able to sleep whenever you want, how long you want?




Shouldn't life be what we decide it to be? Why should one person's happiness equate to yours? Decide for yourself, what fulfils you; what makes you want to get up; what do you want to have to say of yourself?



You can't have everything. If you want the fancy car, you'll have to work for it. Or if you want that hot babe, she'll need time AND maintenance.

Everyone is tired.


The auditor that comes home for a short three hour nap before starting a new day.

That fitness buff that works out 4 hours a day. He must make a living for himself too, somehow, right?

The teacher who teaches for half a day, but has five piles of books to mark, three books to read, class prep to do, and that parent who insists on "speaking about her child".

The cashier who works a twelve-hour shift.








Whether or not you have a life, YOU decide. Yes, there are powers beyond us that set our paths, but we choose the steps we take. Whether we zigzag, skip, run, or curl up and stop entirely.


Above all, stop blaming circumstances.

Those times you are proven wrong.

Him: [photo of a scooter] Look, I have a scooter.

Me: Where are you going to ride it to?

Him: Around home.

Me: Well, then I can take it.

Him: Hey! That's mine! Evil sister!

Me: [doesn't reply]

Him: Sorry.

Me: I was just playing. What am I supposed to do with you if I can't play with you?

Him: I'm not a toy. Brothers are to be loved, not played with.

Permanent markers

[Be more specific]


[Give example]


[Too long]



[How does this relate to your main point?]




[What is your main idea?]



[No.]




























I miss those days. But soon enough, they will return. Life is good. Opportunities are abundant. It is up to me to figure out where they lie and how I will take them up.



Each day, I become more and more amazed at the grace that has been endowed onto me. May I have the strength to give back when so much I am given.

Tales of fondue running

I wish I could question why my thoughts keep returning to you. But I know why.

Each to his own

He has his toils and struggles. Why do you question his? Are yours too easy that it not be enough? That you have to judge the severity of others' in order to justify that you have things easier?

Goodmorning kisses

Lightly pan-fried salmon

Drizzled in creamy sauce

Potatoes on the side.

I'll peel the potatoes.

Let's go buy the salmon.

Where did you plan on bringing me to buy the stuff you were going to cook for me?










No, I'll just create a mess.

If not for the big chunk

They were scattered all over the floor, as though someone had biscuit diarrhoea and couldn't hold it in much longer. But it was a cream sandwich biscuit.

*tsk tsk*

She was used to seeing this. After years of teaching the little ones, seeing scattered crumbs was a relief. It could be actual diarrhoea sometimes. That was unpleasant.

But she wasn't where the little ones dwelled. All adults here. Didn't they have the decency to pick up after themselves?


He trotted out... bound for the bacon, he must be.

"Look, who did that?" she asks.

"Not me! I haven't been out" he responds,

"Well, it made me think of you when I saw it" she says to him, munching at her lunch.

"What? I wouldn't do that! Or at least, I wouldn't leave it that way" he retorts.

"Well maybe that was why it reminded me of you. Because I knew it would bother you"

"You know what? I'm going to pick it up" he says.



She was surprised. She didn't think he would go to that kind of trouble.



"Yes, you would think that at least they would've picked up the big piece" she says, as he chucks a chunk of broken biscuit into the bin.



"Oh yes, the big chunk" he muses, as he turns back to the biscuit-rastrophe.





What did he pick up just now?????

They were in the car opposite the road.

As they fought, she played with her toys. She tried to pretend it didn’t bother her. They always fought. She wished she could make it stop. She wished the fighting would stop. What could she do? Why did they stay together if all they did was fight?

 

Plates started crashing.

 

 

There was one time, she read a letter her father wrote. Full of promises even her young mind knew he would not be able to keep. It broke her heart. Not because of what he wrote, but why did he have to write those things in the first place?

 

Sometimes they fought when they thought she was asleep. She would hear her name too, sometimes.

 

Was she the cause?

 

No. They were just unhappy. Why were they still together if they were unhappy?

 

But if they weren’t together anymore, what would happen to her? It was then that she realized, she was part of why they fought. Why they bothered fighting at all. It was because she existed. They could easily give up on each other had it not been for her existence.

 

When they fought, she would curl up in a corner, praying to God that should it bring them happiness, that He take her away. Let her be with her unborn brothers and sisters. Did He not want her in the heavens?

 

When she got sick, and she was often so; she thought that it was her time. That He had come for her. So Mommy and Daddy can be happy. Let her be taken away. No one seemed to want her anyways. At least, not her. They always seemed to want a different version, and no matter how hard she tried, she never seemed to meet anyone’s standards.

 

Somehow, always, she seemed to recover. She wondered if they ever felt disappointed that she did.

 

 

 

 

She still wonders to this day.

Oh!

Hello Australia!!!




And nice to have you back, Switzerland =)

Why do I teach?

 

I don’t. At least, that is not my goal each time I enter a classroom. Anyone can teach. Or at least, claim to teach. To stand in front of a group of students and deliver a lesson; not so difficult. That is the easiest part of the profession. Some people think it is the only part of the profession. Me? I am old-school; in the sense that I believe that that person entrusted to manage a group of fellow human beings should do more than instruct and deliver.

 

How do I motivate?

 

How do I create awareness?

 

How do I encourage a future generation capable of not only thinking for themselves, but for the betterment of the human race?

 

No, I don’t walk into a classroom so I can teach my children how to do their sums. I want them to know it is ok to raise their hands to ask for help, but if and only if they have listened to me explain it the first time, if and only if they have allowed themselves to struggle through figuring it out themselves, if and only if they want to learn how to complete the work; not just get the answers right.

 

What do I stand to gain?

A hope that I shall leave better children to the world; instead of a better world to my children. To have at least tried to produce a society of people who are good. Not just doing things correctly; but are good people deep inside.

 

 

Sometimes I feel like I’m fighting for a lost cause. That no matter how hard I try, whatever successes I have will always be just a drop in the ocean. And that is not yet to speak of my failures. Yes, I have those too.

 

 

No. I still have a lot in me to give. And to hold back and take the easier path is a sin to myself. I owe it to myself. To that person everyone gave up on. I will fight on.

 

 

Mother loves all of you equally. Some more equally than others, but equally nonetheless.