Have you ever.....?

1. Bent over her desk drawer for about 7 minutes each day before going home.

2. Squatted in the middle of an elevator.

3. Squatted in the middle of the washroom. Not the cubicle, the washroom itself.

4. Had your lanyard's yoyo break and the string dangle helplessly around, yet still tote the broken yoyo while it hinker tinkered around people's legs and the many office tables.

5. Been fired on Friday, then show up to work (LATE) on Monday pretending nothing happened.

Of more feverish dreams.

3.

At her house, there is always plenty of food. She left me to my slumber and I was on my way out to send her keys. There was some Mochi I was going to bring to the office for her, and for some reason, as I went down the line picking the Mochi, it became less and less "Mochi". At some point it was the mango with sticky rice, which for some reason I had to steam. Into the steam pot went fried chicken. Ugghh...



4.

I can't change that my thoughts keep wandering back to you. No one comes in the closest to competing with you. In fact, they fail miserably. Self-entitled, non-achieving, sluggers.

If I quit now then I'll be right where I started: which is hoping to be where I am now. Keep at it!

Of odd dreams in feverish states.

1.


The waters were murky, and we travelled by what I suppose was boat. We arrived at a building, I presume it was a school. Climbed up the creaky wooden steps, past some low hanging branches, and were expected to enter the building through the window panes. No, I did not fit.








2.


The water was sparkling, so welcoming to swim into. But I cannot swim. There were gloats just lying around, and I could use those. I was searching for my parents. Splashed around for a bit, I did. Finally, the area opened up into a cove, and I could walk. But there was a naked child in my arms. I was discontent at the child. It wasn't mine. Filthy, uncute creature. I kept slapping her arse in hopes of making her cry. I hated her, yet carried her I did. And all I could do to channel my the for her was to keep smacking her bum.

The heart wants what it wants

Even when I know it's not you whom I should want. From another place, another time, another life; it's just not possible.

But just on that day when I vowed to be with you once again, you come knocking on my door.

That is not coincidence.

That is fate. The same way fate brought us to that kitchen that night, is the same way I'll keep just a sliver of hope alive.


For us.



Definitely, for us.

When the heart wants but the body declines.

another one of those panic bouts are setting in again. Like, "Am I doing enough?". I guess this is the curse of the over-achiever. That need to constantly outdo myself. Never mind the others; they couldn't if they wanted to. But me, I know I for sure am.


And I will.



I am sure, I will.

An unsettling feeling.

I suppose, we all do what we  can to protect ourselves. But let it be known that I do wish, I sincerely do wish, that you tried to make things different. Together, like you once said. I wish that together we could find that half-way mark. Together.

In these harsh lands.

Please excuse me while I close these doors.
The wind keeps making them creak.

I'll close the windows as well,
Shut the blinds while I'm at it.

The light's too bright, Daddy.
They hurt my eyes.

Dim the lights for me, please.
Let me take comfort in the dark.

I can't see that you're not here
Now that The Dark hides it.

I don't see how big and empty the house is
I don't see furniture where it used to be





And here,
Leave me be.

Maybe not in yours, but definitely in mine.

There were small little snowflakes on that day. It was beautiful.

Forgive me

Forgive me for being neglectful.
For forgetting,
For taking for granted.
For putting myself ahead of greater matters.
For seeing only the few feet in front of me instead of the large horizon you have lain in my view.
For not loving as much as I should.
For keeping to myself.
For shutting you out.
For shutting them out.
For thinking that Time is something I will always have.





Forgive me,
Please,
Before I am gone.

You will never feel like you are prepared. The trick is to prepare yourself to cope with things not being ideal.


That bird high in the tallest branch does not have faith in the tree, but in his wings to carry him off should he fall.

...and here, we part ways.

I guess it hurts less for me when I am the one leaving, not the one being left.

Today, I have.

Have you ever looked at something, and found it so beautiful, you felt the tears coming?

The road I chose

We may be traveling the same paths,
But who are you to say that we must do so for the same reason?

You may walk down this road for glory
And me, just for sport.

It is not for you to determine that your cause is more valuable than mine.

Back to reality...

Work hard, so you can play hard.


The trick is to make sure you find the balance to have both.
"We are always preparing to live, but when do we actually live?"



Regardless, what matters most is that you do your personal best. The greatest sin to commit would be to short-change yourself. To say that 'circumstance' led you to where your complacent self is. What sacrifices have you actually made? Are there any at all? Or do you simply point fingers and say that others are lucky because of their circumstance. What do you know of their struggles? Are you saying that if you had my life, that you would have the accomplishment that I have?

We are different people. A choice I Wold have made might not have been taken by you. That is not circumstance. That is you.

This is too much

Dear [Service provider],

Since our chance encounter early last year, it was a slow start. You probably don't know this, but you came to me at just the right time. Having that first slip of paper, with that promise you made me, made my quest that much more to look forward to.

When I first held your work of art in my hands, it was heaven. It was right what the others said: worthy of tears. Happy ones.

From that point forward, I found myself at a lost. I searched for you. Until, there you were. On offer, a great deal. I was so ecstatic, I told my friend to jump on board. She did.

I 've been working on my second project with you, and lo and behold, you give me another offer I couldn't refuse. I bought it in an instant. In a heartbeat. I knew I had to get it.

Then today, you bombard me with yet another one!!!


I feel like you are providing me with much more than what I can fulfil. But I can't resist. I want you. I can't wait to get you with me.





Love,
A deranged observer.

Blood red fingernails.

So one of us fell into the ocean. Bleeding. The waters were shark infested. Immediately, sharks from all directions swam towards the person. She had no chance.


Except the "sharks" weren't sharks. They were stingrays. Enormous ones. But in my dream, they were sharks. But stingrays.

As all hope was bleak for our fallen member, our saviour platoon of dolphins arrived. They were white, glistening dolphins, ready for battle.

Also, was our own "people" armada. Armed with mops.

They gave me one, and immediately I practiced poking and lashing out with my weapon.

The sharks kept coming. But they were stingrays. Like birds, but stingrays. But they were sharks.

We poked, hit, bashed, and finally one came flying in front of me; having been hit by someone else first. The shark was injured. But is was a stingray.

I took my chance. I smacked the creature right across the middle. It cried out in pain, ne last attempt at grasping for life. I bashed again.


More and more sharks kept coming, and it was not easy to fight them off with the mops underwater.





Suddenly, my phone rang.






All I could think of as I woke up, was "How in Poseidon's name did we stay underwater that long?"

A foolishness has occurred.

I saw one of these lying round

And decided to have a go at it.








NOT EASY.





After gripping the handles, I quickly realized that a fair amount of balance was required to manoeuvre the thing. Balance that apparently I did not possess.

Not only that, despite having seen (ok, mostly on TV) other people using the thing, I suddenly couldn't figure out how to position myself.

Finally, I got it to roll, but I felt it was far too easy. I guess I was doing something wrong. Exercise is not meant to be easy.

So I backed up my knees, gripped the handles once more, and pushed forward.







I couldn't get up.







There I was, lying face-planted to the mat, hands stuck to the handles, and apparently it was impossible to roll myself back up. It was equally impossible to let go of the handles.


In other words, I was stuck!



I tried several times to figure out which muscles I was supposed to use to enable myself to roll back up.


No success.



Finally, one of my hands let slip, and I was able to roll onto my back.











To my absolute horror, a small group of concerned people had gathered around me.







I couldn't help it.







I burst into unstoppable guffaws.




Not the cute-sy "oh, pardon my foolishness" kind of giggle.

No, I full on just laughed.

The kind of laugh you laugh when you did something...

Like spilt milk and were caught trying to hide the evidence.





As I was laughing, I just looked at the people in the eyes. One person after another.
As I gathered my towel and belongings.



I then rolled away out of sight.

Drums fingers...

Cleaned my room.... check!
Prepared my stuff... almost there!
Went to get money.... check!
Sent clothes for laundry... check!




Still a lot of procrastination going on.
Been a while since I've worked out.
Hair's sticky.




In need of change..
But what more change can I give myself?

Poland? *Waves*

Greetings!

Late night mumblings.

Set targets.
Smaller, achievable goals.
Manage your expectations.
Do not aim for perfection, aim to complete those small little tasks.


Patience, and persistence.

No longer just a dream, it is a goal.

To see that frown so I can take away the creases.
To hear narrated monologues of common actions.







It is indeed a goal.