And so it continues....

To the Ticklish One,

Read and acknowledged; with deepest gratitude.


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To the New Ruler of the Island,

Your Queen shall return with great tales of absurdity, foolishness, and storms in exquisite teacups.

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To the Sunshine of the Valleys,

Your voyage begins. The ball is in your court. Swing it as you wish.


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To the Crouching Tiger,

Don't be afraid of your neighbour. Smack him around a bit if need be.


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To the Baby Psammead,

Keep smiling. It really does brighten the world.


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To the Orange Nugget,

Music really does touch the soul. Thank you.

Not quite...

I haven't been this excited, scared, jumpy, panicky, lonely, terrified, and a bunch of other feelings in a long time.

'tis good....I feel alive.

Today.

Today is April 14th, 2014.



Why do I mention it? Because it matters.

Have you learned from where you have been?

I’ve learned that colours are lots of fun

Even when they don’t match,

Especially when they don’t match.

 

I’ve learned that stickers can make people smile

Even when they’re older than smartphones

Especially the glittery and poofy ones

 

I’ve learned that notes aren’t silly things

They have magical powers to make someone’s day

And there’s no shame in writing or receiving one.

 

I’ve learned to choose my words carefully

But being frank has its virtues as well

And wisdom is finding the balance between the two

 

I’ve learned that arguing can be good

If you’re lucky you find a worthy opponent

But if it’s not, then it defines your character

 

I’ve learned what it means not to be mean.

But there’s such a thing as standing up for yourself

The trick is finding which is which.

“I love all of you equally. Some more equally than others, but equally nonetheless”

 

 

It brings me to tears thinking of why I started saying it. How hard it was back then. How much hate I had to fight through, how terrified I would be each week, not knowing what demons I would face.

 

“I love you”

 

To have the response to that be a shudder, a cringe, a grimace; for some reason it became a joy. There was a reaction. When there is a reaction, then the chemicals are no longer dormant.

 

Then I realized that those words might make those who were actually a pleasure to be with feel shunned. That their smiles and open faces be undeserving of the pushed-away love I was showering onto The Grumples. So I had to assure them:

 

“I love you. All of you. Equally.”

 

Favouritism isn’t what a just and sound mind brings into play, so it had to be equal. But I am only human, and there are just times when one tugs at the heart more than the other. And soon enough, The Grumples figured out that there was victory to be owned over me, and they sought out battles by the hundreds. They brought weapons, prepared battle strategies, made alliances; whatever it took to take me out. Eventually those battles became our “thing”. And it was very apparent that the hate was slipping away. And the favoritism just couldn’t be held back. And The Grumples were quite clear that they liked to be more than the rest; thus another adjustment had to be made:

 

“I love all of you equally. Some more equally than others.”

 

But then the Nice Ones would be all “are we more or are we the not very equal ones?” So another adjustment had to be made:

 

“I love all of you equally. Some more equally than others, but equally nonetheless.”

 

 

Eventually all the Grumples were gone and that was left were the Nice Ones..and they would join in the chant whenever I brought it up. They may not be the reason it started, but I hold them true to the saying.

 

 

 

To my dearest Tulip Bulb,

Yes, it is perfectly human to be selfish at times. To want your needs above others. To make selfish requests just to keep people or things with you. I am glad I can see that side of you. You have a good head over your shoulders; but sometimes it is perfectly fine to let your heart rule for a while. No, I probably will not get bored..and if I came back because I was bored, then I wouldn’t make very good company now, will I?

 

 

To the Convivial One,

Seriously? You forgot about it, didn’t you!!!!

 

 

To my Imaginative Superhero,

You always start differently than others, and differently from each time you do. I can tell you I know you mean well, but being declared #2 doesn’t exactly feel nice..No, I didn’t run out of stories exactly, but I lost the triggers that unlocked those stories. The vaults are old and rusty, and unless I can find the exact key, duplicates just won’t do. It’s good that you look forward to days (and years) to come. May you make stories of your own, and share them with the world.

 

To my Gregarious Companion,

People are indeed blessed to have you around. You are a fair leader, a loyal follower, and you make even the worst of things just that much better. Thank you for not giving up on me, even when I struggled to do my duty by you. I wonder, if I did enough for you, if I did anything at all.

 

 

To the Ambitious Leprechaun,

I’m sorry I scolded so much. It’s a different world there. After a while, I became frustrated that no matter how hard I tried, only the “monster” managed to make them think. The Drill-Sergeant ensured that they read, the Sniper made them sit up, and the Boxer made them more conscious of their moves. I am glad you regained your passion. Perhaps, the next time I feel frustrated, I will remember that I have to find another way.

 

To the Force of Nature,

Why on earth would I pack strawberries???!!? Buy, perhaps. Eat, if bought or given. Sell, no. Pick, …… Where???

 

To my Feisty Little Poodle,

I miss you rummaging through my pencil case and taking my scent pens. I miss you pilfering through my folder to find out if I was making stuff up. I miss you complaining about your step brothers. I just miss you.

 

 

To my Sharp-Witted Cyclops Bear,

I miss our fights. How we tussled and argued, and my mind felt alive and challenged. I miss when you would curl into a ball and I know that I forgot to love you enough. It taught me that even the toughest of babies will need their milk. I miss putting on your seatbelt for you. I miss you coming in with an arsenal of homework you need approval on.

 

 

 

 

There is so much more I want to share, but like the Leprechaun had seen, I was losing myself. There has been too much frustration and not enough insight. I have to regain that part of me that once sparked so many light-bulbs. Otherwise, I would be selfish. Then eventually I would have turned bitter, and no one wants that.

 

 

Mama loves you, my lovelies.

Stop that!

Do not claim to want something unless you are willing to make sacrifices in order to achieve it. If leaving the comfort of your own home is too great a sacrifice for you, then don’t speak of wanting to see the world. If you really wanted it, then you would at least be making sacrifices in order to achieve it. Forego things you previously deemed as “necessary”. If you find your life comfortable, and anything that makes you uncomfortable is too great a sacrifice, then you deserve nothing more than you already have. Absolutely nothing.

Pet peeves and unnecessary hate.

 

 

 

So I was reading this, and thought to think of my own:

 

1. When the people in line at the hypermarket push their carts so close to you that it touches you butt. The moment it comes into contact with my butt, I immediately get super pissed.

 

2. Loud accelerating sounds.

 

3. Incessant honking.

 

4. Watered down drinks.

 

5. When I'm done with laundry and realized I left out one sock in the laundry basket.

 

6. That one hair that somehow eluded the epilation process.

 

7. When you try to put something upright but it somehow still topples over.

 

8. Threading a needle.

 

9. Having something fall on my foot. Of all the space, it had to fall on my foot!

 

10. Stubbing my toe.

 

11. Pants that slide down your butt. It fails its duty as pants.

 

12. Socks that slide down to your heels.

 

13. That bulge made by the pant zipper/button.

 

14. When people have big hair and somehow find a way to back it into my face.

 

15. When you ask a person something, they acknowledge you, then walk away never to be seen again.

 

16. When I'm very sure I own something, but for some reason can't find it.

 

17. When cockroaches don't run away from me.

 

18. When small children tell me about their meals.

 

19. When parents leave used diapers in the toilet. Obviously the kid can't throw it out themselves right?

 

20. When people disagree with you mainly because they had chosen a different path, and according to them, it was "the way to go".





Fear of the mud, or wise rationale?

You will never know enough. If ever you felt that way, all it means is that you have lost the capacity to learn. Your mind has been closed off in a delusion of grandeur. No matter how extensive your knowledge of any field, it will never be "all there is to know".

On the shallow side of the pool, is the ones that believe they have no reason to learn. It doesn't concern them, or there is no reason to know, or the information is readily available should they ever need it. What these people fail to realize is that having things off of the tops of your heads or buried deep in your mind is not equivalent to tapping away on Google.

How does one ensure that they always have a learning mind? That they do not resort to "I know because I have studied a lot on the matter" instead of "Here's the rationale of my argument". How does one make sure they do not fall in the deep end and get caught up in "I know so much, therefore I cannot be wrong"?

So where does the learning mind belong then? Drifting in the middle of the pool, jumping out of the water at times, taking the ladder up to the side-lines, and occasionally trying to hoist themselves up from the deep end of the pool onto the pool side.

Have you ever tried to hoist yourself up from the deep end of the pool onto the side? You feel an immense weight pulling you down. Those who do not wish to fight through the weight convince themselves that it is just better to swim to where the ladder is. Just like those who have "learnt enough" convince themselves that they are the ones who know better; that they have chosen the best choice, and that we are foolish for wanting to feel that weight tugging us down.

Then there are those who swim only at the shallow end. They tell us that swimming is still swimming, no matter how deep (or shallow) the water may be. They tell us that they are doing as much hard work as those in the deep end. In fact, their side accommodates more: from infants, to people who can't swim, and even those who can swim well. Why belong to the show-off deep end people on the opposite side?




Being a drifter isn't easy either. You don't particularly belong anywhere. You can't stomach the deep long strokes of the deep enders, and you can't bear the high pitched cackles of the shallow-enders. So you drift from one end to another, hoist yourself at different sides of the pool just so you can feel the difference in the weight pulling you back. You go to the ladder not to get out of the pool, but rather to feel the cold air (or sometimes warm) gush around your calves as you exit the waters. You sit by the pool not because you are tired of swimming; but rather because you want a good view of both ends of the pool.


But you do not belong to either.

There is only one left.

 

 

All my bags are packed, I’m ready to go

I’m sitting here, in front of y’all

I hate to stop you writing to say goodbye.

 

But the night will end, the bell will ring

I’ve no words to speak, so I will sing

Already I’m so lonesome I could die.

 

So kiss me and smile for me

Let me know that you will wait for me.

Hold me like you’ll never let me go

 

‘cuz I’m leaving on the jet plane

I don’t know if I’ll be back again.

Oh, babies, I mightn’t be back again.

Random V

She had ear crusts sprouting out of he ear canal.....eeewwww!!!



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The Number Plate.



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Don't think I didn't notice you brushed it off!!



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The fan was sooooooooo much stronger after I cleaned it!


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Wrong language....oopsies!



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I think I'm being overtly sensitive and hurtful.


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She picked up the small children so they could write on the board. She lifted them up!!


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She took my carrot question and gave different situations, all resulting in one conclusion: apparently it is quite a disturbing question.


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It feels nice to be checked up on. To feel like you are being fought for.


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Tomorrow.



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On being grateful

I am overwhelmed.

 

I have people in my life who have seen me. You don’t understand. They have seen me. And they know of me; enough to support me, instead of putting me down.

It’s indescribable.  I feel empowered; I feel like I can.

It is still my two clunky feet taking the steps, still my own clammy two hands lifting the weight. But for once, I feel like I can.

Not because I have people helping me out (I am much grateful that I have a few of those as well), not because I have people ready to cushion my fall, not because I have guards who will ward off the monsters away from me.

But right now, I feel like I can because there are others who believe I can. On my own, I can. They acknowledge my deep thought, and accept my layered reasoning. Most importantly, they support me. They don’t place little pebbles of doubt, for they know I am wise enough to have thought those through. They don’t try to frazzle me with fear, because they know that that was the first demon I battled. They do not try to dishearten me with inhibitions, for they know that I was long before weighed down by those.

Instead, they make me feel able, wanted, and most of all,…..

 

 

I feel like I matter.