Tuesday, 28 January 2014

The answer is yes.


 

 

 

1.       Thank you for holding my hand when I was scared. I was pretty scared.

2.       Thank you for answering my questions, no matter how ridiculous they may seem. I know they are awkward for you, too.

3.       Thank you for giving me occasional pats and hugs. I didn’t know I needed them, but I did.

4.       Thank you for making fun of me, and making me feel like it’s okay to screw up sometimes.

5.       Thank you for greeting me, even when I look like I just came back from Mordor.

6.       Thank you for thinking ahead for me; and knowing that my brain hurts sometimes, too.

7.       Thank you for leaning on me, and making me feel worthy.

8.       Thank you for waiting for me at the sidelines.

Monday, 27 January 2014

Random 3

#1 Is it the mild autism that makes him fiddle with such appendages, or is it a common gender-centric behaviour? Is it age? Is it the ease of access?

#2 I believe congratulations are in order; not that I particularly want to be the one wishing that; as opposed to joining your acceptance of the wish, however, I must accept that there are certain fates sealed, certain hopes that shouldn't be hoped for. So, congratulations.

#3 Given a set of circumstances, one can predict a list of possible outcomes. However, given any discrepancies in those outcomes, I don't believe a person is entitled to judge the outcome as "correct" or "false" based on their personal paths of choice.

#4 Intelligence lays weight on a person. Not physical weight, but visible nonetheless. The constant thinking and evaluating options, and analysing outcomes comes at a price. That being said, you look youthfully radiant, my dear.

#5 It was 4 o'clock in the afternoon!!!

#6 Should anger be managed, expressed or supressed? Does that apply to other feelings as well, such as happiness, excitement, fear? How does one do so?

#7 THAT is the name of my SD card!!

#8 Animal Farm has my saying in print, without me even knowing about it beforehand!

#9 Goodbye Turtle, I didn't know you had already found a home. I thought I was original.

#10 The more you explore the world, the more you learn of your surroundings, the more you realize how small the world is.

On changing the world

 
 

Invictus



Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.




William Ernest Henley

 

 

I am no superhero. Changing the world seems an impossible feat to my small frail hands. I am weak, powerless, defenceless, and no one will support any crusade I wish to fight. I do not want to join in those fights already started. I do not want to leave the comforts of being "normal". I am afraid. I have commitments. I will start once I finish on more small task.
 
We are all changing the world. One way or another, we are always part of something greater than just ourselves. Whether it is being that supporter that makes a fatigued man finish his race, or the welcoming smile that awaits the trembling hands of a falling soldier. Whether we smile at a stranger and makes his day just half an ounce better, or if we grudge an old lady a seat on the bus; we make a difference. An that difference, no matter how small, is still a difference.
 
The question I ask myself now is: Will I make a big difference or a small one? Will it be a conscious decision, or will it be purely out of instinct, necessity, and forcedness? Will I notice those differences that I make? Does it matter if I let it slip away?
 
 


Wednesday, 22 January 2014

Privacy II


 

 

After the first shocker I got, thinking of how small the world has become; despite the vast number of humans within it, I found myself in yet another Situation.

It is a small one (it always is), but somehow it mattered to me. I reflected on my life and thought of the people who had done right by me in my time of need. Here was my chance to do the same.

Imagine losing something important to you. Whether it is of sentimental value, or an important document, or any other item for the matter. It belongs to you. What if you lost it? Do you know that feeling of panic when you realize you have lost something? I know it is dreadful, and as you grow in age, sometimes you just don’t show it because you already know what you have to do. Sometimes you just push past the feelings because you know there is not much sense to it. But those feelings are real; as are you. Wouldn’t it be absolutely wonderful if someone made the effort to return it to you?

 

So I did. However, there is not much about the person I could tell from what it is I had found. I wanted to return it; mostly because if it had been me who had lost that exact same thing, I would be devastated, a hidden pile of a nervous wreck. The trouble was not only regaining what I had lost, but the process involved in doing so was exceedingly troublesome. And cost a lot of money.

 

I searched for the owner. Not having much of IT-lligence (as mentioned before), I started with the basics. I found out this person attended a particular investment program in 2010 (the photos confirmed that it was indeed that person, plus the full name and state of origin), I tried asking the program coordinator if they could help me locate the person; however, being from 2010, even I knew it was highly unlikely that I would hear from them.

I tried to access the person’s student loans (underhanded, I know, but I couldn’t think of anything better). Dead end. I tried facebook. Dead end.

 

I tried the numbers I could find on the document. Dead end. I tried a variation of it – BAMMMM!

 

Out came the person’s full name, the number I entered, and also contact number. I saved the number to my phone; and checked the social apps (which now mostly allows you to put profile photos). Sure enough, the number was still valid, and there it was: verification that this was indeed the person I was seeking. I looked further for the “Last seen at…..” and it was yesterday. So it means the person should still be using this number.

 

I text the person, informing of my findings. The next day, it is safely returned.

I should feel good about it, but something feels remotely unsettling about the whole thing.

Sunday, 19 January 2014

Not that sound.



 
 
 
I can feel that cloud coming again. I can taste the frosty air and the misty humidity setting. You don’t want to move yet you can't stay still. Everything feels heavy yet your head feels light. Everything is magnified, but at the same time it feels like at a distance.
I will not allow that cloud near me this time. It is not warranted. Both parties have not yet committed any acts warranting the coming of such a cloud. But I know it is here. Right in front of me. And I also know that inflicting self-pain has no power to push that cloud away; no matter how big the physical pain may be. But it helps. It helps to know that at least I am doing something instead of waiting..neverendlessly waiting.
Here is the test of nobility, of self-righteousness, of a pure heart. You do not fight with swords or daggers, you do not fight with flamethrowers or archers. All you have to do is choose whether to stand your ground, or turn heads and walk away.
 
If only that choice were as easy to make.

Saturday, 18 January 2014

Random 2.

#1 Everyday, I pray that I have made at least one step forward. Living day to day does not guarantee it; and I hope that I will not look back and regret things that I did not do.

#2 The world is surprisingly small; you might think that person you ran into is a complete stranger, until you take a closer look.

#3 How and when can a person decide to turn their own life upside down? ...for without chaos there can be no change, no great emergence. There will only be stillness.

#4 How do you know what it is you were meant to pursue, to go after?

#5 I keep both of it open. It's like cutting oneself, except the wounds are not physical. Perhaps if the wounds are torn up constantly, then when the faultful pleasures come by, it will be easier to push aside.

#6 I feel a need to announce it, and subsequently apologise.

#7 Having cold feet and a rifling heart for 14 consecutive hours can take a great toll on one's health.

Friday, 17 January 2014

Recognition


Facial bone structure
Petit body frame
Affinity for dressing up
Fashion sense
Smile
Twinkle in the eye
Cute-sy attitude
Distance
Softness
The shine of that happy glowing face
Fingers
Big teeth
Approximate Height
Social circle
Graduation photo
Head tilted, shoulders crumbled hands pushed forward
Long, straightened hair
 
 
 
 
T_T