May the Lord show you His strength.

I want to put a word to it. And I want you to know I’ve put a word to it:

Despicable.

What you’ve done, what you are, what you represent.

Despicable.

Whatever place you had in my life is gone. I have no desire to please you, to be part of your life, for you to be part of my life. With every particle of my being I despise you.

Whilst I know I hold no special place in your life, I still want you to know that I have a word for you:

Despicable.

So I will no longer spare kind words for you, of you, to you.

Because what you represent is what I consider unforgivable.

If I can avoid sharing space with you, I definitely will. If I can avoid thinking of you, I will. If I can avoid hearing of you, I will.

But some things are beyond my control. Some things are not within my compromise.

I hold my head high and stand my ground.

I despise you.

I have no respect for you.

I have no desire to keep you in my life.

Continue how you are; and I am willing to cut away anything and everything so I can distance myself from you. You are not worthy of my time, my presence, my anything.

Good day, sir.

Mute

How do I say this
Where do I begin
It's stuck...those words.
They're in there somewhere.
Stuck.
I have much to say
So much that I say none of it.
Where do I even begin? At the very beginning?
I can't really remember that far back
It's hazy
It's blurred
My memory isn't as good as I would like it, I suppose
My fear is that I have lost those words forever.
So instead I stand my ground silently
Not having the words to what I need to say.

What’s in a day?

What would be a good algorithm?

Let’s start:

1. 1.       Is the issue recurring?
2. 2.       What is the issue?
3. 3.       What is the reason for the issue?
4. 4.       End result: walk away or try harder.
5. 5.       Is the conflict internal or external?
6. 6.       What elements are within/out of your control?
7. 7.       What prevents you from walking away?
8. 8.       What prevents you from trying harder?
9. 9.       What changes will need to take place for the issues to be resolved?
10. 10.   Are the parties concerned willing to make those changes?
11. 11.   Is there an underlying issue that needs to be resolved first?
12. 12.   What is a reasonable timeline to see results?

For I am not forgiving

What would you want, and what would you be willing to do to get it? You can’t change what’s been done nor the fact that it will keep happening. What you can change is what you do. Yelling, cussing, crying, are all for naught. Pointless, meaningless, worthless. A waste of everyone’s time. But what will you do? What can you do?

Lie and smile that all is well. Lie and put in elbow grease to mask the tears rolling down your cheeks. Maybe there are no more tears.

Tales of the ziplock bag

It took seven years since we first heard of her escapades. Back then, we had just had a child, and soon after a second one was underway. It felt like a far-off dream. Finally, with the little ones not so little, and people available to care for them whilst we would be away; it was going to happen. We were going. Remember when we bunked over at my brother’s place? No space to even stretch out our arms. Yet now we live in our great double storey palace with our two beautiful children. Big, strong boys. It was just as devastating to tell them that we were leaving them; temporary as it may have been. How could we make them understand that we needed to do this? That we had put our dreams on hold for them. Seven years, we put our dreams on hold, and raised them with all the love in our hearts. Now, now that they can fall asleep without longing for us. Now that they have school to look forward to, friends to keep them company, now. Now, we get to go.

What troubles our minds

As I sat helplessly hearing his tears, unable to comfort him, unable to take away his pain and suffering; I told myself

“If He says the suffering ends, it will end with just (a figurative) a snap of His fingers”

Why do we insist on raising flowers, when weeds are the ones that grow through hardship, and thrive in the most unlikely situations. I closed my eyes as his cries intensified. Pain, discomfort, fear, enveloped him. I could only hold him close and tell him how much I love him.

As I carry him back to his cot, I whisper in his ear

“If He decides you heal, you will. In just an instance. You’ll be healed. But that, only if He decides so. We can only put in our efforts and prayers.”

To the moon and back, they say. Like no other love. But it is not I that has the power to give health. And death has been written long before I first held you in my arms. If He says it is, then it shall be.

Return

Maybe it has been a while. But here I am. With years added to my life, with greater stories from amazing experiences. Hear me, see me, and watch yourself grow.