So I was at the bank.
The room was full of three dozen other people, and I was
waiting for my turn. I had been waiting for a good hour before that, and I was
starting to get really restless. My turn was probably still quite a while away
and I needed the restroom. But I didn’t want to risk missing my turn so I
waited.
And waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Until finally! My turn came, and I was finally free to seek
the restroom. So I did. It was out of the crowd and there was a quiet deserted
corridor leading to it. A great contrast to the busy, packed room I had just
exited. I’ll spare the details of what transpired in there since it doesn’t
really matter to the story.
So anyway,
I was leaving the restroom when I realized there was
something on my pant leg on my right calf…dust or cobweb or something. I bent
down to brush it off, and being left-handed I used my left hand to brush the
cobweb off and as I was bent down, somebody walked past me. Nothing out of the
ordinary right?
Ordinarily, yes. Now, for some reason, it was at the precise
moment that he walked past me that I was lifting up my head to correct my
posture to an upright position. My face was tilted forward, whilst my left hand
was disengaging from my right calf and I was half bending over trying to stand
up.
Then I saw it.
It.
It.
It.
IT
IT
was protruding out of his zipper. Peeking at me saying hello. Nice to meet you.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Now
between me cross limbed about to stand up, surprised at being greeted by the
head of …….ooohhhhhh *double facepalm*,
and trying to stretch out my right hand trying to think of how to call out to
the man, and trying to stand up, and trying to suppress my horror, and trying
to stop him from walking into a room full of people, and trying to maintain my
balance, and trying to think of how I should phrase this to the man (whom I did
not know),….
I
fell.
Not
the dramatic, full of suspense, pain and agony kind of fall,….no. This was more
like if you put a nice warm round muffin on a plate, then as you place it onto
the table, it suddenly rolls off onto the table; now that was me. The rolled-over
muffin.
I
was mortified!
Falling.
This act of falling was the subject of children at playgrounds, the idea of
hopeless adolescent minds, the habits of apples onto scientists. Not me!
So
this man, who had walked past me, had probably no notion of his contribution to
my downfall, and on his side all he heard was the squeal of a helium-fed
rabbit, and as he turns he sees the lady behind him had fallen. He probably
thought I fainted or something. And as a respectable member of society he does
what any reasonable person would do. It was a deserted corridor, as I had
mentioned earlier. Except I had not fainted, and I certainly was not remaining
on the floor for the ambience.
Anyway,
this man, this glorious, wonderful, exuberant man, hurries to my side,
And squats down.
Well, I was on the floor, in pure embarrassment and
shame, and also very much disturbed by the little head that was peeking out
just now….oh god…….he squat down,
And it protruded even more!!!!!!!
I was wailing on the floor, in agony not caused by my
horrific fall, but rather at the sight that was set before me. I curled into a
ball and started to wail. The man reached out for me, but in no universe did I
want him touching me….no!!!!
I was at a loss for words, and covering my face with
one hand, I pointed to his “display” with the other.
He ran into the restroom.
I got up, and re-entered the crowded room. I wonder
sometimes, is it because I am me that these things must happen to me, or is it
because I am me that I feel particularly anguished at these “events”. I was
finally able to return home to try to erase what I had just seen. I couldn’t
sleep until well after dawn the next day.
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