Anybody willing to explain?

I don’t get it. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not against it or anything; I just don’t get it. I’m not talking from a gender-biased, culture-driven, religious-enlightenment viewpoint here. I’m just confused. How do you put it on? What if it slips off? Is it meant to slip off? Do you go into the water with it? What if you fart? Like, those explosive, 30-second gassy puffers. Will it pop out? I don’t get it! I tried searching for “how to put ___________ on” but no search results have turned up. I don’t want to search for video tutorials lest I be bombarded with flaccid body parts that I have no intention of seeing. I still have the episode at the bank to erase from memory. And it doesn’t help that the fella that comes up in the image searches is hunched over in this growl/glare straight at the camera. I imagine that would be my face as well if I showed up at work and discovered that was what I had to put on. But seriously, how do you put it on?????