A failed tribute.

Be strong my little one, for I am here. I am right here. You can’t see me, you can’t feel my warm embrace, but I am here. Mama’s right here.

Please don’t give up Mama, I still need you. I still want to hear you speak; I still need to hear you sing. My eyes cannot yet see far enough to know the devils from the angels. My ears are not strong enough to filter the lies from the truth. My speech is not clear enough for me to voice my grief. My hands are not strong enough to carry sustenance to feed myself. My body has not grown enough to bear the brutal beatings of the world. Mama, please come back.

Feel me in your heart my dear; my voice may not reach for me to sing to you, my arms may not be there to hold you tight, but I am with you. My love for you is as sure as that heart that beats within you. I will be there for you as soon as I can, my angel.

But I need you with me now Mama. I need you to be strong for me for I am weak. I need you to hold me tight and fight off the monsters that come for me in the middle of the night. I need you to fend off the demons that make me curl away to empty shadows. I need you to hear my cries for no one hears them better than you, Mama. Please, come back.

It is not my will that keeps me away from you. I wish you no burden in knowing my suffering from being away from you. I wish you to live in bliss in loving arms, even if it means that it is not mine. I wish you happiness and joy; and if that means that I have to carry the pain of being away from you, then so be it. That is how much I love you.

My happiness is only in your arms, Mama. How can you be so selfish to leave me dangling over the fiery pits of doom? How can you bear living with yourself knowing that I am here in agonizing pain from just being away from you?

For I am no longer living; my poor, sweet child.