There's a first time for everything.

Kids, please turn away. This is not kid-appropriate. I repeat, this is not kid-appropriate.

 

A friend had seen me returning after a run. He asks what I had been doing…I told him I had been running and just finished. He said I looked like I had just come out of the office (no sweating like the pig I should be sweating like). I told him I don’t sweat easily. He said that perhaps I should try the sauna, and that will help me train my body to break sweat.

 

 

So I did.

 

 

 

I wrapped a towel around my head (otherwise my hair would be dry), a bigger one around my body, and stepped gingerly into the sauna. Now, to wait. I covered my face with the towel. I had to loosen the towel around my body so I could have some cloth to reduce the pain of breathing in hot air. I close my eyes. Mind starts wandering.

 

 

The door opens softly.

 

 

A girl walks in. The first thing I see as I open my eyes, are b***s. I turn my eyes down so as not to be looking at those b***s.

 

 

She wasn’t wearing any bottoms.

 

 

Not even holding a towel. Meaning, she walked in bu** n***d.

 

 

I tried not to feel alarmed, but suddenly the air felt painful to breathe in, mind starts swirling, and knees start trembling.

 

 

Holy

 

Mother

 

Of

 

GOD.

 

 

She proceeds to climb up the sauna seats. Yes, UP. And the sauna room isn’t that big so by her climbing up, of you can just imagine how I prayed no unwarranted odours reached my stinging nose.

 

She proceeds to throw some water onto the rocks, and lay down.

 

Feet facing me. If I just turned towards her, oh…….

 

 

 

All I could think of, was that if I were a dude, I would be the luckiest dude. But I’m not a dude. And this is not at all enjoyable.

 

That’s when the fun started.

 

 

She started moaning. Moaning!!!!

 

Lying down, bu** n***d, MOANING!!!!!!

 

Why…..why,…..why do these things happen to me??

Thank you, God…hope you’re enjoying your sitcom of my life.

 

After what felt like an eternity of her moaning, and some of my blood starts circulating again, she sits up. I can feel her look at me.

 

“No, it’s better to take off, easier to sweat….” She says.

*I can almost tell what was going to transpire, but I was almost powerless to prevent it.*

She bends towards me, and starts unravelling my towel. It was already loosened, so this wasn’t that difficult; except that I was holding up bits of dignity with my forearm.. She gently moved my arms apart and discovers……

 

 

 

“Oh! You’re wearing panties! You can take that off”

 

 

Holy Mother of….^&%*^$*$#%$@%#*(^%(*%^#@$

 

Does this not sound to you like the beginning of a porn video?? Who else does this happen to? Who???

 

 

And whether you are already thinking that this is the highlight of the story, think again!! It is not!

 

 

As she bends down to push my towel away, her aforementioned b**b gently waves into my face.

 

Houston, we have a b**b in the face!!! I repeat, we have a b**b in my face!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

I wanted to cry!

 

I tried to move away from the b**b, but I was already against the wall. I had nowhere to run. It was either the scalding heat of the wall, or the b**b.

In this series of unfortunate events, my slight movement caused her to lurch forward and instead of the b**b just waving into me “Hello”, it was now securely planted against the side of my face.

 

I could see n***** from the corner of my eye! It was brown, and pointy!!! Oh my God, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…..

 

 

 

 

She is finally happy with what she has done to me, and returns to her previous position, which I initially found disturbing, but this time it became a comfort that at least it was out of my face.

 

She leaves the sauna about a minute later. Relieved, I count to ten and decide to leave as well. I decided to go to the steam bath to “sweat” since the sauna just gave me cold feet and an almost heart seizure.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And there she was I the steam bath.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I swear I saw her go down the steps to the locker area!! B*** n***d, and to the locker room! But no, it had all been planned out for me.

 

 

 

 

No occurrences to be reported in the steam bath. I proceed to shower, and change.

 

 

There she was, in the locker area, with only panties on.

 

 

 

Now I wonder:

Since I saw her, I have not seen whereabouts of any towels. Could it be that she forgot them? There were none near her as she dressed….