Alex the Lion swing left and right.

 

 

 

I know I’ve written about this before, but I just cannot stress how much I cannot stand strangers invading my personal space. Especially when it is unwarranted, unnecessary, and done so repeatedly. I can’t stand it. If you do this to me, please know that I am mentally flipping tables at your unborn children to avenge the annoyance you have caused me. Trust me, if it weren’t for the threat of going to jail, this would be the main reason I would be committing murder.

 

So today we are at a small stall about to buy food. I have been standing in the same spot for about 7 minutes. She was at the other end of the hawker stall. She wants the hawker to pack some beef for her. She moves closer. I sense it coming. She stretches out her hand. I know it. It’s going to happen. She places her finger on the beef tray. Her wrist…her wrist (takes deep huffing breaths) rests on my folded arm. Mine! Lady, my hairy arm has been in that spot for the past 8 minutes now. What makes you think it is ok to rest your unthinking arm on mine? I do not know you. I do not wish to be intimate with you. By intimate, I mean to say I do not want any of your body parts on me. Even if this were just for a brief moment for you to point to the beef tray, have you not the ability to do so without coming into contact with me? Grazing my arm would irritate me already, but having you rest your arm upon mine….ohhhhhhhhhhh….

 

 

 

SO.

 

 

 

In honor of you, I shall list the various things I wish I could do to you, and the rest of you who like to invade random people’s personal space:

1.       In a queue, when the person comes up to my back and I can see the side of her face from the corner of my eye, I wish to smack them right on the nose. SMACK!!!! And I have pretty long fingers. They sting.

2.       When at the hypermarket, and their cart pushes into my butt, I wish I could start taking out items from their cart and put it elsewhere, like in the baskets near the counter. When they ask what the h*** am I doing, I’ll say “well, you involved my butt in your grocery shopping, so I figured I’d choose what I don’t want you to buy.”

3.       Seriously, I want to smack them in the face. High five. In the face.

4.       On the bus, when they spread their legs until it rests on my leg, I wish to take a picture of our touching knees and look at the person saying “this is going on Instagram as the obnoxious things people do on the bus”

5.       To the lady who rested her hand on my arm, I want to start yelling like Drago Bludvist calling for his Alpha, complete with wildly waving my arms above my head.

 

 

 

I wish I could mail this list to Santa.