The horror.

 

1.       It tasted like collective sneezes colored in a slight hue of green for that authentic snot-effect, and a dusting of sweetness. Disgusting.

 

2.       The sight of the absent upholders was not horrific enough. As my reluctant eyes traced the pale versus darker lines, looking forward to being wrong, I was then rewarded with her gloriously lifting her arms. I may be old school in my opinion of the matter. But I find it unsightly. Forgive me, but I just do.

 

 

3.       It was like large chunks of empty dreams.

 

4.       There were curly hairs around the belly button.

 

5.       You just don’t expect certain people to curse. Suddenly they do.

 

6.       Apparently there are people who sweat out a pair of shorts, rinse them out with body wash, then dry them out with a blow-drier. No, they are not in the midst of travels.

 

7.       Were you preparing some sort of bouquet? Welcome, here’s the pot of earth with white lilies sticking out. Except instead of earth its human faeces, and instead of lilies it’s TP.

 

8.       HOW do you manage to commit murder under the seat EVERY SINGLE DAY? Shouldn’t we have noticed a significant reduction in manpower by now?