No, it happens less and less often. Maybe it’s the environment I put myself in; but then again I’ve changed that. Then it must be me. Good. I can work on me.
I can answer for my actions.
I can atone for my sins.
I can learn from
my mistakes.
But what is
it that I did wrong? Do I lack the substance I so sure think that I have?
I can feel
it. That decline in literacy, the loss in articulation, the demise of the wit I
so treasured.
What is it
that I did wrong?
How do I
fix what I do not know how I have wronged?
Do I walk
away? As I always have..wait, there was that punitive fight. I remember it. I
remember that I did try that time. I just didn’t succeed.
Then how do
I know whether or not to fight this time?
What am I
fighting, anyhow?
I knew it.
The worst enemies are the ones you cannot see. How do I fight when I do not
know what I am fighting? How??
None of it
makes sense.
Was it all
my imagination? Or maybe it was reality. But the reality has changed.
It doesn’t
matter, does it? I’ll still give up eventually. Tis not a fight you can win
single handed-ly.
It’s
horrible.
Missing
what is right in front of you.
Maybe I
should just walk away. Easier, isn’t it? Keep that box safely wrapped up and
tucked away. Condemn it to what is certain.
Focus.
What are
you here for?
Petty games
and shenanigans?
Focus.
Have you
not noticed that you are no longer where you started? And not in a good way,
either. Pull yourself together. Is this really how you wish to see yourself?
Spiralling downwards, and for what? the uncertainty and foolish hopes and
dreams.
Are they
really foolish?
Go with the
flow. What are you rushing for? If you try to pluck your fruits before they
ripen, ask not why they are not as sweet.
It’s
horrible.
Missing
what is right in front of you.
Tantalus.
Of course you can have her. Everybody belongs to everybody.
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