“I love all of you equally. Some more equally than others, but equally nonetheless”

 

 

It brings me to tears thinking of why I started saying it. How hard it was back then. How much hate I had to fight through, how terrified I would be each week, not knowing what demons I would face.

 

“I love you”

 

To have the response to that be a shudder, a cringe, a grimace; for some reason it became a joy. There was a reaction. When there is a reaction, then the chemicals are no longer dormant.

 

Then I realized that those words might make those who were actually a pleasure to be with feel shunned. That their smiles and open faces be undeserving of the pushed-away love I was showering onto The Grumples. So I had to assure them:

 

“I love you. All of you. Equally.”

 

Favouritism isn’t what a just and sound mind brings into play, so it had to be equal. But I am only human, and there are just times when one tugs at the heart more than the other. And soon enough, The Grumples figured out that there was victory to be owned over me, and they sought out battles by the hundreds. They brought weapons, prepared battle strategies, made alliances; whatever it took to take me out. Eventually those battles became our “thing”. And it was very apparent that the hate was slipping away. And the favoritism just couldn’t be held back. And The Grumples were quite clear that they liked to be more than the rest; thus another adjustment had to be made:

 

“I love all of you equally. Some more equally than others.”

 

But then the Nice Ones would be all “are we more or are we the not very equal ones?” So another adjustment had to be made:

 

“I love all of you equally. Some more equally than others, but equally nonetheless.”

 

 

Eventually all the Grumples were gone and that was left were the Nice Ones..and they would join in the chant whenever I brought it up. They may not be the reason it started, but I hold them true to the saying.

 

 

 

To my dearest Tulip Bulb,

Yes, it is perfectly human to be selfish at times. To want your needs above others. To make selfish requests just to keep people or things with you. I am glad I can see that side of you. You have a good head over your shoulders; but sometimes it is perfectly fine to let your heart rule for a while. No, I probably will not get bored..and if I came back because I was bored, then I wouldn’t make very good company now, will I?

 

 

To the Convivial One,

Seriously? You forgot about it, didn’t you!!!!

 

 

To my Imaginative Superhero,

You always start differently than others, and differently from each time you do. I can tell you I know you mean well, but being declared #2 doesn’t exactly feel nice..No, I didn’t run out of stories exactly, but I lost the triggers that unlocked those stories. The vaults are old and rusty, and unless I can find the exact key, duplicates just won’t do. It’s good that you look forward to days (and years) to come. May you make stories of your own, and share them with the world.

 

To my Gregarious Companion,

People are indeed blessed to have you around. You are a fair leader, a loyal follower, and you make even the worst of things just that much better. Thank you for not giving up on me, even when I struggled to do my duty by you. I wonder, if I did enough for you, if I did anything at all.

 

 

To the Ambitious Leprechaun,

I’m sorry I scolded so much. It’s a different world there. After a while, I became frustrated that no matter how hard I tried, only the “monster” managed to make them think. The Drill-Sergeant ensured that they read, the Sniper made them sit up, and the Boxer made them more conscious of their moves. I am glad you regained your passion. Perhaps, the next time I feel frustrated, I will remember that I have to find another way.

 

To the Force of Nature,

Why on earth would I pack strawberries???!!? Buy, perhaps. Eat, if bought or given. Sell, no. Pick, …… Where???

 

To my Feisty Little Poodle,

I miss you rummaging through my pencil case and taking my scent pens. I miss you pilfering through my folder to find out if I was making stuff up. I miss you complaining about your step brothers. I just miss you.

 

 

To my Sharp-Witted Cyclops Bear,

I miss our fights. How we tussled and argued, and my mind felt alive and challenged. I miss when you would curl into a ball and I know that I forgot to love you enough. It taught me that even the toughest of babies will need their milk. I miss putting on your seatbelt for you. I miss you coming in with an arsenal of homework you need approval on.

 

 

 

 

There is so much more I want to share, but like the Leprechaun had seen, I was losing myself. There has been too much frustration and not enough insight. I have to regain that part of me that once sparked so many light-bulbs. Otherwise, I would be selfish. Then eventually I would have turned bitter, and no one wants that.

 

 

Mama loves you, my lovelies.