It should be none of my business; and I really shouldn't care. I wish I could look the other way, or be the better person and say that I am happy for you.
But I'm not.
I thought I had let go. I thought I had moved on. I thought that time had healed my wounds, and that I would be able to be happy for you.
But I'm not.
I still feel the cold shot run to my feet, rendering them numb. I still feel my heart thumping faster. I still feel the need to search out "Who is she?" "Is she better than me?" "Is she smarter than me?" "Is she prettier than me?" "Does she make you laugh?" "Does she make you smile?" "Does she make your toes tingle when you think of her for a while?"
I am insecure. I am out of line. I have forgotten my place.
But I know that even if the answer to all those questions are "No"…I will always be the one you made excuses against. The one unworthy of you. The one you placed on permanent hold. Perhaps now you've found the one who makes you feel like everything is in place right away. I can't fault you for that.
It just still hurts, that's all.
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