It doesn't make sense, I know.

I realized today that I may be deathly afraid of something that I thought I didn’t mind. Or at least, I though it was just one of those things that I would be okay with. Today wasn’t the first time I felt the sudden hyperventilating in my carcass when bombarded with one particular event; but today was the day two-and-two clicked. And now I realize it just plain scares me. In fact, it terrifies me. I don’t want it and I don’t want it because it makes me feel uneasy. I feel afraid of it. Oh God, please help me end this.